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  1. [SANTA] Good evening sir, Santa Claus requesting permission to come aboard?
    [OOD] Okay, I see you have your “PIER PASS” but what about the “NO SHAVE CHIT”?

  2. [OFFICER]
    HEY LOOK…IT REALLY, REALLY WORKED!

    [SANTA]
    I just got this email asking for one heater and two pairs of ear muffs, Merry Christmas SUPPO!!!

  3. Hey, pass the word on the 1MC again that the quarterdeck is secured to all hands. Sorry Santa, you’re gonna have to use the ships smokestacks this year!

  4. Hold on, I’ve got this one. Santa the quarterdeck is secured during cleaning stations…you’re gonna have to use the ships smokestacks this year!

  5. [SANTA]
    Here is my card, I am here to pick up the “Toy for Tots”.
    [OFFICER]
    Petty Officer, have all the Marines muster on the quarterdeck for Santa’s working party and get a few sailors up here to supervise!

  6. CORRECTION:
    [SANTA]
    Here is my card, I am here to pick up the “Toy’s for Tots” sir.
    [OFFICER]
    Petty Officer, have ALL the Marines muster on the quarterdeck for Santa’s working party and get me a FEW sailors to supervise!

  7. OOD: Petty officer Smith, If I told you once I told you a 1000 time I don’t care if Santa himself wants access, no one gets on board that isn’t in the proper uniform of the day.

  8. OOD: Petty officer Smith look at his ID. Name Kris Kringle, address North Pole, so why is he trying to pass himself off as Santa Claus.

  9. Santa: Due to manning shortages, I have been order to report for duty. OOD: Petty Officer Smith call the CAG on the 1MC. He has to see this.

  10. Sir I am here to relieve the watch and decided to dress up like Santa.

    [OFFICER]
    Well let’s pretend I’m the GRINCH that stole christmas…..give me that bag of presents and go change into your uniform!!

  11. Hey wakeup, is that the new Security Officer?

    I have been working undercover on shore patrol; here is the naughty & nice list and a bag full of contraband.

  12. OOD: Petty Officer Smith, I know that there is a change to the working uniform, but I thought that it was gray and blue, not red and white.

  13. These pirates from the Horn of Africa will try anything to get onboard…..last duty day we caught one dressed up like Frosty the snowman!

  14. OOD: Petty Officer Smith, So OK he is Santa, but you know that Captain will blow a gasket when he see what the raindeer left on the flight deck. And I am not doing a FOD walk down anytime soon.

  15. OOD: “Hey Petty Officer of the Watch, didn’t the CDO say something about the SEALs doing some sort of physical security penetration exercise?”

  16. Upgrading his 1914 sleigh to the new DDG 1000 was the best decision Santa ever made. Although there were some setbacks…

  17. Just off from Boot Camp, SN Jones arrives wearing the newly issued winter NWU. They say the colors blend well with the ship life rings…

  18. Petty Officer of the watch, they never told me at OCS to expect this during inport security drills!!! What is going on here?

  19. Tap…Tap, Petty officer Smith your awake right. Pinch me, I think Im in a bad dream. Santa just showed me the naughty list and Im on it.

  20. Hey Petty Officer, I am going to need you to witness this. RISE YOUR RIGHT HAND REPEAT AFTER ME…..”I Santa Claus, do solemnly swear………..”

  21. Can you show me which berthing these guys live in? Last year I got lost in the engine room and they had to send a search party to find me!

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