That light you see at the end of the week is Valentine’s Day, coming at you like a Mack truck. But have no fear – as is my custom, I’m here to offer you advice to get you through the weekend alive.
There are good things, bad things, and downright ugly things that can happen around this holiday. Stick with the good things and you’ll do fine.
Gifts
Good: Something that serves as a reminder of good times you had together
Bad: Something that serves as a reminder of bad times you had together
Ugly: Something that serves as a reminder of good times you had with someone else
Cards
Good: A romantic or funny card, signed “Love, (fill this part out)”
Bad: An emailed Valentine’s Day greeting
Ugly: A card with the word “Birthday” crossed out and replaced by “Valentine’s Day”
Dinner
Good: A quiet, candlelit restaurant
Bad: An all-you-can-eat buffet
Ugly: Any place where the food is served on plastic trays
Gift suggestions for men
Good: Tools, camping/fishing gear
Bad: Socks, ties
Ugly: Hair loss ointments
Gift suggestions for women
Good: Jewelry, perfume, anything that smells like potpouri
Bad: Kitchen utensils, cleaning supplies, anything that smells like WD40
Ugly: Diet books, exercise equipment
Flowers
Good: Fresh roses, tulips, or carnations
Bad: Old roses, tulips, or carnations
Ugly: Fake roses, tulips or carnations
Mood music
Good: New Age, jazz, classical
Bad: Disco, hard rock
Ugly: Polka
Attire (guys)
Good: Sweater and chinos, or coat and tie
Bad: Tee shirt and blue jeans
Ugly: Nothing on but speedos with “Love machine” printed on them
Attire (gals)
Good: Evening dress or silk blouse and slacks
Bad: Sweats
Ugly: Tee shirt with “I’m with stupid” printed on it
Valentine’s Day is on Saturday. You still have time, so get to it and be ready when the big day comes. Because if you forget, well…
Well that would be ugly.
