The most interesting SWO in the world

This was sent to me by my buddy Ernie, a Navy veteran and former shipmate. The author of this is unknown, but whoever wrote it is brilliant. May I present…

The Most Interesting SWO In The World

(Navy.mil)

He is always the stand-on vessel.
Stars navigate by him.
He always eyeballs it.
He wears wash khakis under his NWUs.
The equator crosses him.
He has sailed the eighth sea.
He got his SWO pin in two days. The first was spent checking in.
Detailers ask him about their career progression.
He doesn’t dead reckon…he dead knows.
He maintains a permanent no-shave chit signed by Adm Zumwalt.
His ship’s aren’t INSPECTED by INSURV, they are ADMIRED.
He won the annual TYCOM Shiphandler of the year award in 1996…twice.
He doesn’t call them Battle Orders, for by the time someone reads them, the Battle is over.
The carrier does plane guard for him.
Marine mammals avoid him.
Clocks retard and advance to conform to him.
He once conned a ship alongside an oiler…….while aboard the oiler.
The CNO asks him for permission to carry on with duties assigned.
He has caught a leviathan and a mermaid. He released them both, of course, and wished them well.
Aviators ask him for stories.
His NMCI account works flawlessly.
He invented the MOBOARD.
He is always on station.
Dolphins taught him the sonar equation.
He maintains the Secret Billet List.
Lights the plant off by himself… from the bridge.
His sea stories have changed foreign policy.
He once won the Battle E for three different classes of ship in one year…while on shore duty.
He caught a cold once. His ship sent a CAT-4 CASREP.
He can carry an open coffee cup from shaft alley to the pilothouse without spilling a drop.
CO’s call him to report contacts.
The Rules of the Road read, “Whatever this man wants”.

He is… the most interesting SWO in the world!