Two weeks after the Ides of March, four brave gladiators (which in our vernacular means “paunchy middle-agers”) will face their fears, take a few deep breaths, and step into the arena (which in our vernacular means “step on their bathroom scales”).
They must be under 200 pounds or face the consequences. This is not a contest for the faint of heart.
The penalty for failure is absolute and swift. Losers must donate $200 to the Wyakin Warrior Foundation, but that is only the beginning. They must write the word “LOSER” on their chests, take a photo of their bare abdomens and send the pictures to me. They will be posted the next day in front of several thousand readers.
So now the day of reckoning approaches. Those brave enough to step into the arena are about to taste the sweet nectar of success, or deal with the bitterness of failure.
We who are about to die of embarrassment salute you!