My name is Jeff and I am tweet-shy. All they talk about on TV is twitter this and tweet that, and it has gotten to the point that I have developed a phobia about it.
Until today. Today I decided to tackle it.
A man has to know his limitations before embarking on such a journey, and If I were to be honest I would sum up my internet prowess with this cartoon:
Twitter has an idiot page for people like me, and it all sounds so easy. You just send out notes (tweets) and follow other people’s notes. You hear about big stars having millions of followers, so all I had to do was put in a few tweets and before long I too would be a big star and be able to buy a boat and hire staff to do my yard work.
Besides, Facebook was a little intimidating at first too, but now I can post pictures of a sandwich with the best of them.
Since celebrities and world leaders would also be reading my tweets, I started out with a Workfarce since almost none of the Hollywood crowd would know a CIWS (that’s a Close-In Weapon System for those of you in Beverly Hills) from a Seagull, let alone get any of my jokes. So I used my latest civilian-oriented cartoon:
And then I waited.
With more research I found out that you can hashtag (#) a post and anyone searching for those keywords would get the cartoon. So I hashtagged “navy”.
There was one tweet registered on my homepage. Encouraged, I clicked on it and discovered that it was my own tweet. So I “re-tweeted” to my wife. Surely something would happen then.
The only conclusion I could draw was that somehow, while I was creating the soon-to-be famous Broadsidetoons twitter page, I broke the internet.
Concerned that something terrible had happened at Twitter headquarters, I posted another cartoon – this time a Navy cartoon.
Same result, only I noticed that there are ten followers of Broadside. The fact that most of them are my friends and probably have been there all along is irrelevant.
I did a Twitter search for #navy and saw everything except a Broadside cartoon, so whatever I hashtagged is worming its way through the Twitter servers and will most likely bring the entire enterprise to its data processing knees.
If they are not there already.
Nevertheless, it is time for Twitter to jump to life because I believe I have put in the requisite time to get online and hey, a boat waits for no man and the weeds are getting worse every day.
Maybe if I used a hashtags of #toolazytowork, or #freemoney. That might attract some readers, because obviously it cannot be the quality of my art or humor.
If not, then I think the internet is broken.