I am back in physical therapy, and am finally starting to figure things out. It took two knee operations to do it, but I am finally starting to understand the art.
It was not supposed to happen this way, you see. The system is designed to keep you guessing. But they really messed up this time, and assigned the same doctor and therapist for my second knee that worked on my first knee. So I was able to compare the treatments.
I’m no doctor, but I think they make stuff up.
Today, they gave me some new exercises to do that were different from the last time I was in there. The low point of the day was when they had me wrap elastic bands around my ankles and walk sideways like a crab. I felt goofy and awkward, and I swear it looked like some of the therapists were trying not to laugh. As I lunged sideways and tried not to fall down, I could almost picture them sitting in the therapist lounge thinking up new exercises for their patients.
Therapist 1: “Let’s make him hang upside down by his ankles and bark like a dog!”
Therapist 2: “OK, but first, let’s make him walk like a crab. That one always cracks me up.”
Pranks aren’t new to the therapy world, by the way.
(That’s a joy buzzer in his hand.)
I guess when you are dealing with broken bones, torn cartilage and misaligned joints you need to lighten up a little. So I’ll give them a little leeway.
But if he makes me hang upside down and bark like a dog the next time I visit, I’m putting my foot down.
Actually the band sideways walk is very good for you. I have been doing it for over 7 years now. It will keep you knees aligned and strengthen you butt. Wait until you get well enough to do the side lunge and touch the floor between steps.
We also passed the time making piggy banks out of gloves and plaster. And the health inspections were great..we’d put the air filters in the dust bin and find out we’d passed with flying colors!